Not many people in my life these days know about this humble, angst riddled little diary of mine. Poor little thing sits here "virtually" gathering dust. I guess I just don't need it the same way I used to. When I was younger and struggling with not only other people in the world, but also myself, writing proved to be a safe haven where I could unravel and analyse the convoluted thoughts of the situation at hand.

I was speaking with a friend last night and he was looking at past entries, giving me feedback. He told me that reading the entries made him feel like giving the me of the past a hug. To me it sounded like he felt sorry for teenage me, that I needed comforting. Writing was my comfort. It was what got me through times when I was inconsolable. It helped me work through whatever melodrama was lime lighting at the time. Now I'm older, I've developed more refined coping techniques and I am a little savvier with life. I don't need writing to comfort me. I don't appear to need it for anything at all anymore, and this makes me sad. I loved having the duel passion and need to release my thoughts; it appears the internal process has superceded something I loved to do.

The only writing I do these days is the diary I keep in my head, the one I write whilst driving alone in my car, one of the few places I feel alone with my thoughts. Sure there's still drama in my life, it's just as heartbreaking and I still get down and out. I still don't understand boys and why they do what they do. I do understand myself a plethora more and I am somewhat feeling better equipped to deal with the challenges of life. It is a comforting thought however, that if at any point in time, I feel as if I’ve regressed and I need the support that writing once provided me with, it’s still there waiting, just like this diary, forgiving and welcoming; like an old friend.

< - >

did you miss this?
Just like an old friend... - 2008-07-31
bittersweet - 2008-07-02
Furious - 2008-02-24
and it only gets shitter from here on in - 2007-10-12
fucked it up well and good - 2005-26-12